Thursday, September 4, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Lots of laundry calling my name!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
I have to post briefly because there is a dance marathon going on in my living room right now. I turned off the TV and turned the radio on. The idea was to get me motivated to accomplish some housework (you can see how well it has worked so far) and I was listening to 'peppier' music than I normally do. I heard my 5 year old calling so I headed toward the sound of his voice. I found he and his almost 2 year old brother dancing their little toes off in the living room. N asked me, "Nice master moves, huh?" as he did a breakdance type spin on his back on the floor. I want to feel like that again--to walk into a room and find music playing so, "Hey. Think I'll dance."
Yes. Awesome moves.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
"Yeah," I said, "but then--no offense--but you're never going to see me again."
Then she said, "You know you're going to end up with twins or more. . . you just make so damn many eggs."
I just smiled. What else could I say?
Part of me wishes I could get as excited and hopeful as I used to at the start of a cycle. The other part of me is perfectly fine with the self-preserving NON-excitement that I feel. Don't get me wrong. . . I want to think that this will be the cycle for us. . . that it sticks. . . that I never have to go crazy during another 2ww. . . that I never have to spend another DAMN DOLLAR on fertility medication. . . that I end up with a SWEET, chubby faced, kissable baby out of the deal. I'm not NOT hopeful. I guess I've been down this road one too many times to get too wrapped up in it all.
But I will pray. For a good cycle, for a positive test, for a long, healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. And I might hope--just a little.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Life, really, is pretty darn good.
Monday, March 31, 2008
I really think every married couple (children or not) should make that kind of time for each other once in a while. It's especially important when you are undergoing fertility treatment. It's so easy to get wrapped up in all the money, medicine and waiting that's involved with that. I'm saying this (okay, typing it) out loud because I'm a smart girl. We've been through this before and I know how important it is. And still, we were surprised at how we were almost getting to know each other all over again this weekend. We drifted a little away from each other for a moment without even realizing. Infertility (and sometimes just day to day life!) can take so much from us. Don't let it take away that special something that made you want to have a baby with that man/woman in the first place.
Make some time! You'll be so glad you did.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Truly. . . not much to report. I'm feeling better. Mostly. I'll start a cycle in a couple weeks. That should be exciting.
The Easter Bunny left some cute boots for my little guy. He put them on immediately and I had to pry them off of his hot little feet tonight. They are giraffes for those of you who weren't sure. Complete with tails.
I thought maybe I'd have more to say tonight but I guess not. It's been a long day!
Thanks for stopping by! Come back again soon.
Is anyone reading this?
Monday, March 10, 2008
The night before we had received an unwelcome few inches of early March snow. Add that to the couple-here-couple-there inches that had fallen at the end of February and you've got enough for a little sledding. Yes. You see where this is headed, right?
We bundled up (it was COLD) and hauled our 3 inflatable tubes and one plastic sled across the street to a large hill. My husband has taken the boys (N in particular) sledding on this hill countless times in the past few months. It's wide open space. There are a couple obstacles toward the bottom, however the sleds usually stop WAY before reaching that point. And we have N well trained to bail off if he is headed for something solid. I hadn't gone sledding as of yet this winter. Mostly because I was always being a bit of a party pooper. I would, however, enthusiastically watch from the front window while drinking a nice hot cup of chai tea. Monday was different, though. I was happy to have my hubby home for the day. . . happy to be extending our weekend together. We hauled ourselves and our sleds across the road and began to climb the hill. Great exercise!! All of us went down (N on the sled, hubby and D on a tube and me on another tube). Weeeeeee! Fun! We reached the bottom and D started fussing. A lot. He was unhappy (unusual for him--outside is his favorite place to be) and nothing we did seemed to help. Hubby decided that, since I hadn't had a chance to sled w/ N yet this winter, he would be the one to take D home--despite my insistence that I really (REALLY) didn't mind going home. I think my youngest child might have actually known something was going to go wrong. ESP, you know? Hence, the fussing.
N and I climbed the hill once more and raced down (this time we were both on tubes). Fun again. I was feeling great and thankful for a little one on one time w/ my older boy. It doesn't happen very often! At the top of the hill once again, N wanted to race and got a head start (I wasn't quite situated on my tube). I had the briefest flash of a bad feeling (nothing in particular--just a bad feeling--can't explain it) but chalked it up to my overprotective nature where it comes to my boys. Off I went down the hill.
I think I was about halfway down when I thought, "Ummmm. . . I'm going too fast."
The next thing I knew, I was lying face down in the snow. I was unsuccessfully trying to make my arms and legs work in unison to get me up out of the snow. And my head felt like it was on fire. Suddenly N was standing beside me, "Mommy! Are you okay?!!" "Get daddy." was all I could manage to mutter. Then my husband was beside me, feeling the back of my head, helping me to my feet and across the road. I kept insisting that I could just stand here and wait while he took the boys inside and then he could come back and get me. . . I wasn't making much sense.
Inside, I just wanted to lie down on the couch. My shoulder hurt like HELL, as did my head. I felt like I was thinking pretty clearly. N informed my husband that I started going backwards and "Mommy forgot to jump off like you're supposed to." Apparently what happened sometime after I told myself I was going too fast was my tube turned so I was going down the hill backwards. Still too fast. And I ran into a utility pole with the back of my head and shoulder.
A trip to the local ER revealed (after a CT scan and many xrays) a concussion. Supposedly no problem anywhere else. A hellish week went by and I visited our regular doctor (not affiliated w/ above mentioned hospital, thank goodness) Friday. She got me in to see an orthopedic dr that afternoon and he determined I have an ac separation in my shoulder. Nothing much to do but take ibuprofen, wear a sling and wait for it to feel better.
So. . . I'm waiting. Not so patiently. I'm finding how difficult day to day activities w/ small children are when one arm is quite useless and using the other arm too much makes the useless arm hurt.
I am, however, very thankful that I didn't end up with a head full of mush. That pole could have very well been the end of life as we know it. The CT scan revealed what we've known all along: I have a very thick skull. Literally. And it probably saved me.
Not the first time my thick headedness has gotten me out of a jam. But probably the first time it's truly saved my life.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
And let's not forget the trip to the Emergency Dept. that another young woman took recently (another friend works as a nurse there)--not because she was bleeding or in pain--but because she wanted to know how far along she was. She was 37 weeks, by the way. This was her first visit to any type of healthcare provider.
But I have 10 good sized follicles (10 possible eggs?) and I can't manage to get pregnant with one baby?* I just don't get it.
More meds have been ordered from ivfmeds.com (I swear that site was sent straight from heaven for infertiles who can't afford thousands per month in meds alone). B/C pills start tonight (have to shrink those residual cysts!) and we'll start this whole thing over again in 3-4 weeks. Yippee.
I guess the movie van will have to wait.
In other news everyone in my house is over the influenza that took over us last week! Yay!
Springtime can't arrive soon enough! I need to get outside and plant something! Somehow, some way, new life will spring forth as a result of my hard work. . . even if it is only in the form of a dahlia (and, yes, I know this isn't a dahlia--apparently I didn't take a picture of any of my dahlias last year).
*I'm aware that I actually HAVE managed to get pregnant in the past. After all, I have 2 boys and 2 miscarriages to prove it. I just mean--in general--why is it so easy in some cases (where the circumstances seem less than ideal) yet we are prepared emotionally and financially for another child and we have to jump through hoops of fire trying to get one? That's all I'm saying.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Apparently my right ovary is very prolific (okay, okay, stop laughing). I had 10 follicles measuring between 17 and 23 (or 22--I can't remember now) mm's. I was to trigger and call w/ a period. We weren't instructed to abstain but I think that was a small oversight on the part of the RE. Not an indication to go ahead.
However. . .
We went ahead. Yeah. We're nuts.
Update on that subject in 14 days. . . but I might need to write about something else (ANYthing else) before then. You'll just have to wait and see!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
"No. Not yet. Hopefully sometime soon."
"Awwww, maaaan. I wanted to get a new movie van!"
Yeah. We haven't yet made the switch to a larger vehicle. We're still driving our Maxima. I love our Maxima. I don't want to give it up. But I will. For another baby. And N is anxious to get a van with a DVD player in it. He's seen it in a couple friends' cars and thinks it's just the greatest thing. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Personally, I enjoy when the kids and I are driving down the road 'dancing' to the music on the radio as we exchange looks in the rearview mirror. I'm afraid that would all go away. But it's cute that he now refers to all vehicles w/ DVD players as "movie vans".
I did ask him if that was the only reason he was hoping for another baby in Mommy's tummy and he assured me that he wanted a baby AND a movie van.
*Now while we don't fill him in on all the gory details, we do let N know that we are going to the dr. to try to get a baby in Mommy's tummy again. He doesn't worry, then, when Mommy has to go to the dr 100 times per week.
Anyway, here's the latest:
On treatment: We are in the middle of a cycle. I go on Thursday for b/w & u/s so we'll know more then. Dr. is tentatively thinking we'll be ready to trigger either Friday or Saturday night. My estrogen levels have "never looked this good this early before" so my Dr. was encouraged by that. I was as encouraged as I would allow myself to be. It's a LONG way between here and actually getting pregnant. And actually staying pregnant--well--we'll just have to wait and see. I turned 34 last week. Isn't that when your eggs magically start to whither up or something? I just have 34 stuck in my head from some infertility book (or something) as the beginning of the end of my already-limited ability to make a baby. Tick tock.
On housing: We sold our other house!!!! Woo hoo! It was a short sale and when we signed papers we weren't sure how we were going to pay the taxes on the short sale (see previous post) but on December 23rd, the senate passed the bill we were hoping for and we won't have to pay taxes on the short sale now!!! Yippee!! It's been a while since I felt the future looking so bright. It's a good feeling! A great feeling. That was a wonderful Christmas present we received from, of all people, the U.S. government. :) Almost restores my faith in them. Almost.
On my boys: I love them. So much. Everything we've been through has been so worth it to see them grow and play everyday. It's amazing and wonderful to see that, despite the almost-4-years between them, they are so close and play so well together. They are constantly asking eachother for a hug and are VERY quick to defend eachother from any 'threat'--real or imagined. What I wanted so badly to give N--and was afraid I'd never be able to--was that type of friendship, of family. No matter what happens from here, N has D. D has N. And I get to watch.