tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9922899610603886372024-03-13T12:00:50.347-05:00Counting Blessings. . . Not EggsNotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-56930558970582181822008-09-04T14:33:00.005-05:002008-09-04T14:38:31.091-05:00I'm back (kind of)<span style="font-size:85%;">I've been away for awhile. I'm going to try to post more. And I don't want it to be all about my most recent not-getting-pregnant.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">So. I don't have time to write a real post but I enjoyed this so much lastnight that I had to share:</span><br /><br /><embed FlashVars="videoId=184086" src='http://www.indecision2008.com/sitewide/video_player/view/default/swf.jhtml' quality='high' bgcolor='#cccccc' width='332' height='316' name='comedy_central_player' align='middle' allowScriptAccess='always' allownetworking='external' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' pluginspage='http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer'></embed>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-23869234308934574002008-05-06T06:59:00.002-05:002008-05-06T07:01:47.468-05:00Yet again. . .<span style="font-size:85%;">Tested this morning. BFN. My period is here (started a little lastnight so I'm not surprised).</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I'm so tired of this.</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-27442135967443882682008-04-21T13:02:00.002-05:002008-04-21T13:07:00.852-05:00Numbers<span style="font-size:85%;">QUICK update. Saturday morning I had my appt. Follicles: one 17 on the left and a 15 and 18 on the right (and other smaller ones but. . . ). E2 was 549. LH was 1.8. She had me do 300 iu Repronex Sat night, 150 iu Repronex Sunday morning (trying to give that 15 a last boost) and trigger Sunday night. We will have IUI tomorrow (Tues) morning. I questioned the E2 but who am I? Seems low to me, though.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Lots of laundry calling my name!</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-79545096423868200012008-04-17T19:44:00.007-05:002008-12-12T02:54:11.290-06:00There We Were Waving Brenda and Eddie Goodbye<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wYfefuRuYio/SAf3O3XhnMI/AAAAAAAAABU/AqwCudGjvic/s1600-h/BillyJoel.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5190388930320637122" style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 331px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 235px" height="209" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wYfefuRuYio/SAf3O3XhnMI/AAAAAAAAABU/AqwCudGjvic/s320/BillyJoel.jpg" width="270" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_wYfefuRuYio/SAf25nXhnLI/AAAAAAAAABM/ydXB-6WsVa0/s1600-h/BillyJoel2.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5190388565248416946" style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 331px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 207px" height="190" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_wYfefuRuYio/SAf25nXhnLI/AAAAAAAAABM/ydXB-6WsVa0/s320/BillyJoel2.jpg" width="298" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Prelude/Angry Young Man</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Allentown</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">The Entertainer</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Vienna*</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Zanzibar</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">New York State of Mind</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Miami 2017</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Don't Ask Me Why</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Always a Woman</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Root Beer Rag</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Moving Out</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Innocent Man</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Keeping the Faith</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">River of Dreams</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Highway to Hell</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">We Didn't Start the Fire</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Big Shot</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">It's Still Rock 'n' Roll to Me</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">You May Be Right</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Scenes from an Italian Restaurant**</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Only the Good Die Young</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Piano Man</span> </div><div></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span> </div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">That was the set list for the concert Tuesday night. I'm still on cloud nine. I loved every minute. Seeing Billy Joel in concert was on my bucket list. While I know I can now cross it off, that does not in any way mean that I would turn down tickets to see him again at any time in the future. Ever. We had seats behind the stage and they were actually awesome. We could see just about everything. The only thing that might have been better would have been standing along the edge of the stage like so many early 20-somethings were doing. (I couldn't help but notice they didn't REALLY get fired up until he played "River of Dreams" circa 1993. You know. Songs from their childhood. Ha.) I could have stayed all night and listened to him.</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-size:85%;">The news on the cycle-front: Wednesday morning the ultrasound wand and I had a tender moment together. It revealed 6 follicles on the left and 5 on the right ovary. The largest on the left measured 13-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ish</span>. The largest on the right was 12. My e2 (cycle day 9) was an unimpressive 168. I was told to continue w/ the same dose of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Repronex</span> (300<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">IU</span>) each night and come back Saturday morning to see what the magic wand reveals. . . <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ooooo</span>. . . the anticipation of it all!</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-size:85%;">Tomorrow (Friday) my baby turns 2. I cannot believe 2 years ago tonight was the last night I was pregnant (may have been the last time I ever will be if something doesn't work around here soon).</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-size:85%;">*Very nice to hear this one since, I've read, it isn't usually included. My friend's favorite B.J. song so she was so happy!</span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">**My personal favorite</span></div></div>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-15485161946018614522008-04-14T18:12:00.002-05:002008-04-14T18:46:29.010-05:00Dancing<span style="font-size:85%;">A friend of mine gave me tickets to see Billy Joel in concert tomorrow night. I'm not much of a concert go-er since the early 90's. My concert repetoire includes the likes of Whitesnake, Bon Jovi, Skid Row, Bad English, & AC/DC, to name a few. My very first concert was Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians. It was in a Ballroom. I'm actually proud of that one. My last was Bad Company in 1993. Anyway, I'm quite excited about Billy Joel. The best part is I'm going with 2 friends who really like his music, too. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I have to post briefly because there is a dance marathon going on in my living room right now. I turned off the TV and turned the radio on. The idea was to get me motivated to accomplish some housework (you can see how well it has worked so far) and I was listening to 'peppier' music than I normally do. I heard my 5 year old calling so I headed toward the sound of his voice. I found he and his almost 2 year old brother dancing their little toes off in the living room. N asked me, "Nice master moves, huh?" as he did a breakdance type spin on his back on the floor. I want to feel like that again--to walk into a room and find music playing so, "Hey. Think I'll dance."</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Yes. Awesome moves. </span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-34286272590572852542008-04-10T20:11:00.003-05:002008-04-10T20:55:42.521-05:00Unimaginable<span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://captainhambone.typepad.com/not_that_you_asked/2008/03/these-are-our-g.html">This family </a>needs any help/prayers you can give. It could be any one of us at any time. Please go and read.</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-75641722129120035532008-04-10T19:29:00.005-05:002008-04-10T19:45:15.458-05:00The Audacity of Hope<span style="font-size:85%;">The ultrasound wand and I had our first (of this cycle) "moment" together yesterday. Nothing to report except I'm all clear to start this cycle. My RE is starting us with 4 vials (300 IU) of Repronex daily beginning tonight all the way through until next Tuesday night. I'll go in for bloodwork and u/s next Wednesday. I know that seems like a long span but if we know anything for sure about me it's that I'm quite slow to start. Doctor doesn't think I'll be 'ready' next Wednesday but we, of course, need to check. She (dr) said Wednesday, "So. . . just one more?"</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">"Yeah," I said, "but then--no offense--but you're never going to see me again."</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Then she said, "You know you're going to end up with twins or more. . . you just make so damn many eggs."</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I just smiled. What else could I say?</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Part of me wishes I could get as excited and hopeful as I used to at the start of a cycle. The other part of me is perfectly fine with the self-preserving NON-excitement that I feel. Don't get me wrong. . . I want to think that this will be the cycle for us. . . that it sticks. . . that I never have to go crazy during another 2ww. . . that I never have to spend another DAMN DOLLAR on fertility medication. . . that I end up with a SWEET, chubby faced, kissable baby out of the deal. I'm not NOT hopeful. I guess I've been down this road one too many times to get too wrapped up in it all. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">But I will pray. For a good cycle, for a positive test, for a long, healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. And I might hope--just a little.</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-76995086460523712502008-04-01T12:38:00.003-05:002008-04-01T12:57:18.867-05:00It really is<span style="font-size:85%;">This morning N was (slowly) getting ready for preschool. My husband works a very odd shift which means he's home for the first few hours of the morning. He likes to take that time on Tuesdays and Thursdays to take N to preschool. Recently N bestowed upon D his much-loved, broken-zippered <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Spiderman</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">book bag</span> from WAY back in 3 year old preschool. Last Thursday and again today, as N was getting his coat, hat & gloves (yes--these are all required when one wakes up to SNOW on April 1st. Not laughing, Mother Nature. . . not laughing) on D went running to my husband with his coat, hat . . . and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Spiderman</span> backpack. It was so darn cute. One of those 'I want to remember this forever' moments. He so earnestly wanted to go to school, too. So my sweet husband bundled him up so he could ride along. I smiled as I watched my 3 men leave the house, 2 of them proudly sporting back packs. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Life, really, is pretty darn good. </span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-66102464109283368402008-03-31T20:35:00.004-05:002008-03-31T20:48:04.144-05:00Remember R and R?<span style="font-size:85%;">I'm feeling good after a little overnight getaway with my husband. Thanks to a short lived coupon code on Expedia, we were able to book a suite at the Doubletree for 42.00 on a Saturday night. Not too shabby! I can't tell you how long it's been since we were together in a hotel when there wasn't a doctor's appointment bright and early the next morning. We laughed when we realized my husband would actually get to do more than dangle his feet in the hot tub. Ha!</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I really think every married couple (children or not) should make that kind of time for each other once in a while. It's <em>especially</em> important when you are undergoing fertility treatment. It's so easy to get wrapped up in all the money, medicine and waiting that's involved with that. I'm saying this (okay, typing it) out loud because I'm a smart girl. We've been through this before and I <em>know</em> how important it is. And still, we were surprised at how we were almost getting to know each other all over again this weekend. We drifted a little away from each other for a moment without even realizing. Infertility (and sometimes just day to day life!) can take so much from us. Don't let it take away that special something that made you want to have a baby with that man/woman in the first place.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>Make</em> some time! You'll be so glad you did.</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-76174536438514487542008-03-25T23:36:00.005-05:002008-12-12T02:54:11.587-06:00The post where my shoulder starts to feel better. . . and other stuff<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_wYfefuRuYio/R-nTs0Lm5_I/AAAAAAAAAAU/gVf3Z_OK4Cw/s1600-h/046.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181905613141501938" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_wYfefuRuYio/R-nTs0Lm5_I/AAAAAAAAAAU/gVf3Z_OK4Cw/s320/046.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Truly. . . not much to report. I'm feeling better. Mostly. I'll start a cycle in a couple weeks. That should be exciting. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">The Easter Bunny left some cute boots for my little guy. He put them on immediately and I had to pry them off of his hot little feet tonight. They are giraffes for those of you who weren't sure. Complete with tails.</span><br /><p><span style="font-size:85%;">I thought maybe I'd have more to say tonight but I guess not. It's been a long day! </span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"></span> </p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">Thanks for stopping by! Come back again soon. </span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size:78%;">Is anyone reading this</span>?</span></p>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-8408594511858280152008-03-10T18:31:00.005-05:002008-03-11T08:37:08.868-05:00The post where my shoulder hurts. . .S<span style="font-size:85%;">o. One week ago today (last Monday) my husband, feeling a little burn out at work, declared that he was going to take a day of 'dependent care' (his employer allows a certain number of days for sick leave and they give a separate bank of time for the above mentioned dependent care. Kind of nice, I think. Anyway. None of us (his dependents) were requiring any kind of particular care, really, so we should have known that we were tempting fate. Has infertility taught us nothing about being careful about that???</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">The night before we had received an unwelcome few inches of early March snow. Add that to the couple-here-couple-there inches that had fallen at the end of February and you've got enough for a little sledding. Yes. You see where this is headed, right?</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">We bundled up (it was COLD) and hauled our 3 inflatable tubes and one plastic sled across the street to a large hill. My husband has taken the boys (N in particular) sledding on this hill countless times in the past few months. It's wide open space. There are a couple obstacles toward the bottom, however the sleds usually stop WAY before reaching that point. And we have N well trained to bail off if he is headed for something solid. I hadn't gone sledding as of yet this winter. Mostly because I was always being a bit of a party pooper. I would, however, enthusiastically watch from the front window while drinking a nice hot cup of chai tea. Monday was different, though. I was happy to have my hubby home for the day. . . happy to be extending our weekend together. We hauled ourselves and our sleds across the road and began to climb the hill. Great exercise!! All of us went down (N on the sled, hubby and D on a tube and me on another tube). Weeeeeee! Fun! We reached the bottom and D started fussing. A lot. He was unhappy (unusual for him--outside is his favorite place to be) and nothing we did seemed to help. Hubby decided that, since I hadn't had a chance to sled w/ N yet this winter, he would be the one to take D home--despite my insistence that I really (REALLY) didn't mind going home. I think my youngest child might have actually known something was going to go wrong. ESP, you know? Hence, the fussing.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">N and I climbed the hill once more and raced down (this time we were both on tubes). Fun again. I was feeling great and thankful for a little one on one time w/ my older boy. It doesn't happen very often! At the top of the hill once again, N wanted to race and got a head start (I wasn't quite situated on my tube). I had the briefest flash of a bad feeling (nothing in particular--just a bad feeling--can't explain it) but chalked it up to my overprotective nature where it comes to my boys. Off I went down the hill.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I think I was about halfway down when I thought, "Ummmm. . . I'm going too fast."</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">The next thing I knew, I was lying face down in the snow. I was unsuccessfully trying to make my arms and legs work in unison to get me up out of the snow. And my head felt like it was on fire. Suddenly N was standing beside me, "Mommy! Are you okay?!!" "Get daddy." was all I could manage to mutter. Then my husband was beside me, feeling the back of my head, helping me to my feet and across the road. I kept insisting that I could just stand here and wait while he took the boys inside and then he could come back and get me. . . I wasn't making much sense.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Inside, I just wanted to lie down on the couch. My shoulder hurt like HELL, as did my head. I felt like I was thinking pretty clearly. N informed my husband that I started going backwards and "Mommy forgot to jump off like you're supposed to." Apparently what happened sometime after I told myself I was going too fast was my tube turned so I was going down the hill backwards. Still too fast. And I ran into a utility pole with the back of my head and shoulder.</span><br /><br /><p><span style="font-size:85%;">A trip to the local ER revealed (after a CT scan and many xrays) a concussion. Supposedly no problem anywhere else. A hellish week went by and I visited our regular doctor (not affiliated w/ above mentioned hospital, thank goodness) Friday. She got me in to see an orthopedic dr that afternoon and he determined I have an ac separation in my shoulder. Nothing much to do but take ibuprofen, wear a sling and wait for it to feel better. </span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">So. . . I'm waiting. Not so patiently. I'm finding how difficult day to day activities w/ small children are when one arm is quite useless and using the other arm too much makes the useless arm hurt.</span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">I am, however, very thankful that I didn't end up with a head full of mush. That pole could have very well been the end of life as we know it. The CT scan revealed what we've known all along: I have a very thick skull. Literally. And it probably saved me. </span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">Not the first time my thick headedness has gotten me out of a jam. But probably the first time it's truly saved my life.</span><br /></p>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-2430418458233025732008-02-27T22:33:00.001-06:002008-02-27T22:34:27.469-06:00Nothing to report<span style="font-size:85%;">Except this.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/science"><img border="0" src="http://assets.justsayhi.com/badges/522/476/science_bminus.vr9t6pe4jo.jpg" alt="JustSayHi - Science Quiz" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"></div>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-7779612774814412682008-02-17T19:03:00.007-06:002008-12-12T02:54:11.800-06:00Not 10. . . not even 1<span style="font-size:85%;">It's funny to me that there are people in the world who get pregnant so easily. For instance, the four high school girls (one a freshman) that my friend teaches at the somewhat small-ish town we live in.<br /><br />And let's not forget the trip to the Emergency Dept. that another young woman took recently (another friend works as a nurse there)--not because she was bleeding or in pain--but because she wanted to know how far along she was. She was 37 weeks, by the way. This was her first visit to any type of healthcare provider.<br /><br />But I have 10 good sized follicles (10 possible eggs?) and I can't manage to get pregnant with one baby?* I just don't get it.<br /><br />More meds have been ordered from ivfmeds.com (I swear that site was sent straight from heaven for infertiles who can't afford thousands per month in meds alone). B/C pills start tonight (have to shrink those residual cysts!) and we'll start this whole thing over again in 3-4 weeks. Yippee.<br /><br />I guess the </span><a href="http://countyourdamnblessings.blogspot.com/2008/01/priorities.html"><span style="font-size:85%;">movie van </span></a><span style="font-size:85%;">will have to wait.<br /><br />In other news everyone in my house is over the influenza that took over us last week! Yay!<br /><br />Springtime can't arrive soon enough! I need to get outside and plant something! Somehow, some way, new life <em>will</em> spring forth as a result of my hard work. . . even if it is only in the form of a dahlia (and, yes, I know this isn't a dahlia--apparently I didn't take a picture of any of my dahlias last year).<br /><br /></span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wYfefuRuYio/R7jfEzLI3pI/AAAAAAAAAAM/L44sMoU-Bxg/s1600-h/033.JPG"><span style="font-size:85%;"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5168125845957041810" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wYfefuRuYio/R7jfEzLI3pI/AAAAAAAAAAM/L44sMoU-Bxg/s320/033.JPG" border="0" /></span></a><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">*I'm aware that I actually HAVE managed to get pregnant in the past. After all, I have 2 boys and 2 miscarriages to prove it. I just mean--in general--why is it so easy in some cases (where the circumstances seem less than ideal) yet we are prepared emotionally and financially for another child and we have to jump through hoops of fire trying to get one? That's all I'm saying.</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-58423217315199741992008-02-03T22:47:00.000-06:002008-02-05T00:31:19.832-06:00Over Achiever<span style="font-size:85%;">Our cycle was cancelled on Thursday.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Apparently my right ovary is very prolific (okay, okay, stop laughing). I had 10 follicles measuring between 17 and 23 (or 22--I can't remember now) mm's. I was to trigger and call w/ a period. We weren't instructed to abstain but I think that was a small oversight on the part of the RE. Not an indication to go ahead.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">However. . . </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">We went ahead. Yeah. We're nuts. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Update on that subject in 14 days. . . but I might need to write about something else (ANYthing else) before then. You'll just have to wait and see!</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-79038617659997044772008-01-29T16:38:00.000-06:002008-02-03T22:54:15.897-06:00Priorities<span style="font-family:georgia;font-size:85%;">As my 5yr old climbed into the car the other day after a day at the babysitter's house while I was at my appointment and then (gloriously!! alone!!) shopping, he asked, "Hey, Mommy? Do you have a baby in your tummy?" *</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">"No. Not yet. Hopefully sometime soon."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">"Awwww, maaaan. I wanted to get a new movie van!"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Yeah. We haven't yet made the switch to a larger vehicle. We're still driving our Maxima. I love our Maxima. I don't want to give it up. But I will. For another baby. And N is anxious to get a van with a DVD player in it. He's seen it in a couple friends' cars and thinks it's just the greatest thing. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Personally, I enjoy when the kids and I are driving down the road 'dancing' to the music on the radio as we exchange looks in the rearview mirror. I'm afraid that would all go away. But it's cute that he now refers to all vehicles w/ DVD players as "movie vans". </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I did ask him if that was the only reason he was hoping for another baby in Mommy's tummy and he assured me that he wanted a baby AND a movie van.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Whew.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">*Now while we don't fill him in on all the gory details, we do let N know that we are going to the dr. to try to get a baby in Mommy's tummy again. He doesn't worry, then, when Mommy has to go to the dr 100 times per week.</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-44728908286432286722008-01-29T15:43:00.000-06:002008-01-29T16:07:26.335-06:00New year. . . New outlook<span style="font-family:georgia;font-size:85%;">Boy. . . I'm not off to a very good start with this thing, eh? I have a whole bunch of posts brewing in my head but finding the time to actually get them down is a whole other thing. . .<br /><br />Anyway, here's the latest:<br /><br />On treatment: We are in the middle of a cycle. I go on Thursday for b/w & u/s so we'll know more then. Dr. is tentatively thinking we'll be ready to trigger either Friday or Saturday night. My estrogen levels have "never looked this good this early before" so my Dr. was encouraged by that. I was as encouraged as I would allow myself to be. It's a LONG way between here and actually getting pregnant. And actually staying pregnant--well--we'll just have to wait and see. I turned 34 last week. Isn't that when your eggs magically start to whither up or something? I just have 34 stuck in my head from some infertility book (or something) as the beginning of the end of my already-limited ability to make a baby. Tick tock.<br /><br />On housing: We sold our other house!!!! Woo hoo! It was a short sale and when we signed papers we weren't sure how we were going to pay the taxes on the short sale (see previous post) but on December 23rd, the senate passed the bill we were hoping for and we won't have to pay taxes on the short sale now!!! Yippee!! It's been a while since I felt the future looking so bright. It's a good feeling! A great feeling. That was a wonderful Christmas present we received from, of all people, the U.S. government. :) Almost restores my faith in them. Almost.<br /><br />On my boys: I love them. So much. Everything we've been through has been so worth it to see them grow and play everyday. It's amazing and wonderful to see that, despite the almost-4-years between them, they are so close and play so well together. They are constantly asking eachother for a hug and are VERY quick to defend eachother from any 'threat'--real or imagined. What I wanted so badly to give N--and was afraid I'd never be able to--was that type of friendship, of family. No matter what happens from here, N has D. D has N. And I get to watch.</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-11401240582036885142007-11-26T17:15:00.000-06:002007-11-26T17:57:41.499-06:00Bust. . . no. . . not mine<span style="font-size:85%;">Well, this cycle was just that--a bust. I actually started spotting on Monday (was to test on Friday). I called the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">RE's</span> office and was instructed to increase my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">prometrium</span>, which I did. My body was determined, though, and by Wednesday is was VERY obvious there would be no reason to wake up any earlier than I wanted to the day after Thanksgiving to test. Oh well. I'm disappointed but that's really all I can say about it. We're taking a couple months off (I would have to take a month's worth of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">bc</span> pills to shrink the cysts on my ovaries, anyway--always do). I don't want to be doing shots and heading to the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">RE's</span> office (an hour's drive away) during the Christmas season. Just want to sit back and enjoy my kids enjoying the holidays. Not to mention we need to save a bit to buy the million (okay, 70) vials of medicine my stubborn ovaries require per cycle. Ugh.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">On the house front. . . we have been in constant contact with our lender about the house. In case I haven't mentioned before, it's been for sale since March, empty since April and without offers of any sort--even low ones--until just recently. We had proposed a deed in lieu of foreclosure simply because we need to stop the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">hemorrhaging</span> of money that's been going on in our lives for the past year while we paid two mortgages and, with no hint of any offers, we felt that was our only option. The deed in lieu was 'approved' and we agreed to lower the price of the house to about 30,000.00 less than we owe on it to try to get a short sale (it had already been listed at 20,000.00 and 25,000.00 less than we owe with no offers). If 90 days went by and we had no offers, we would proceed with the deed in lieu. With a little less than 60 days left, we received an offer for 34,000.00 less than we owe. The process is, I guess, that we submit the written offer, along with a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">prequalification</span> letter from the prospective buyer's lender, to our lender. . . and wait. Apparently our lender has gained quite a reputation of taking their sweet-ass time deciding whether or not to approve short-sale offers. Sometimes taking as long as 4 months or more. Anyway, by the time realtor fees are paid, we will be about 45,000.00 short. If approved, the bank 'forgives' this portion of our loan and we receive a 1099 tax form at the end of the year. Yes, folks, that's right. The fact that the housing market PLUMMETED in that area and our house lost almost 25% of it's value isn't enough of a kick in the pants. Somehow the IRS figures that we owe income tax on the phantom income we received from the forgiveness of the debt or, rather, the decrease in the value of housing in our neighborhood--and everywhere else. Let's see. . . 28% of 45,000.00 equals about 12,600.00. That's money that is absolutely not in our savings account. It never was but after a year of paying two mortgages it most <em>CERTAINLY</em> is not there. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">If you, too, think this is a crock of shit there is a bill in the senate (H.R. 3648--<a href="http://www.google.com/search?q=hr+3648&rls=com.microsoft:*:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7DKUS">Google it</a>) called the Mortgage Debt Relief Act (or something like that) that you can write your senator about. I realize this is late notice and the chances of our elected officials accomplishing something at this late stage of the game are slim to none, but. . . this would sure help us. This bill would make Mortgage Debt forgiveness (like we are facing) non taxable. Would be a big load off my mind but I'm, unfortunately, not very hopeful. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I had the opportunity to see Barack <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Obama</span> speak the other night and as he was shaking hands after the appearance when he got to me I said, "I need to ask you a favor." He looked surprised and a little wary but asked what I needed. I said, "I'd like you to light a fire under some of your friends in the senate. There is a bill (and I told him the name and number of the bill) just sitting in the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">finance</span> committee in the senate. It passed overwhelmingly with bipartisan support in the House, the president claims he will sign it if it reaches his desk but for almost 2 months it has gone nowhere in the Senate." I let him know that we were facing the short sale of our house in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Moline</span>, IL (Illinois is his home state, you know!) and were looking at owing income tax on 45,000.00 if the sale is approved. He put his hand on my shoulder and asked, "What happened??" I briefly explained our situation and then smiled and said, "I would REALLY like it if that were to pass this year!" One of his entourage took down my information and wrote the bill number and name down for follow-up. I don't really think anything will happen but I felt better having told my story to a member of the senate. Heck, I'd probably even caucus for the guy if that bill magically got '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">un</span>-stalled'. I'm a young mother in a key state--the very first state to caucus, if you must know--so maybe that will mean something. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Barack, are you listening? Were you? I sure hope so.</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-48481377900308712662007-11-16T15:55:00.000-06:002007-11-16T16:36:57.690-06:00One week in. . .<span style="font-size:85%;">. . . to the 2<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ww</span>. I haven't posted in a while so here's an update:<br /><br />I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">stimmed</span> for, I don't know, what seemed like a long time. Possibly 2 entire weeks? Anyway, my crusty ovaries took a while to get into gear. For the last week I was taking 375 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">IU</span> of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Repronex</span> each night. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">IM</span>. That was pleasant. As is always the case with me, I had a bunch of follicles. The more dominant ones measured 23, 19, 18 and 16 at my last ultrasound. There were some on the left and some on the right. My left ovary is kind of tucked away so I don't know how much of a chance the 'lefties' have. C's count was good at 178 million for the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">IUI</span> exactly one week ago today. My <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">estradiol</span> was 1203 or something like that at the last check (2 days before the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">IUI</span>).<br /><br />So now we wait. Truthfully, I haven't found this wait to be as agonizing as I found the 2<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">ww</span> when we were trying last time. I think that's partly because I am busier with my 2 boys than I was with 'just' one. I think also I probably have my defenses up. I don't want to get too hopeful, you know? But mostly--and this is just our little secret--I'm not very convinced this whole thing worked this time. I just don't feel it. I suppose I have what could be considered symptoms. . . I might list them later if I post again during the 'wait'. . . but for some reason my brain just doesn't want to make the leap to thinking this could be it.<br /><br />I was excited to get started, for sure. And, of course I want a baby. I'm also starting to feel like I want to be done with the whole fertility scene. I don't have very much patience for it this time. It's much more of an inconvenience than it was before--at least it feels that way. And the shots hurt more. I didn't remember them <em>hurting</em> before. I am anxious for all of this not to be a factor in any of our decisions. Even after we had our son, D, I knew that we were eventually going to try one more time. We moved away for a time (didn't know then it wouldn't be for long) and one of the hardest things for me was leaving the doctors I had become so comfortable with. My husband got a new job. . . infertility insurance coverage was a concern. Money is always a factor with this kind of treatment--have to make those plans. . . I could go on but you get the picture. It affects <em>everything</em>.<br /><br />On a lighter note, it might snow here on Thanksgiving. And possible sleet the night before. I think I might enjoy that. Then we could go eat at the family gathering that's here in town and forget the rest. Really get to enjoy the day with those that can come there and then head home to snuggle down with my boys.<br /><br />Now <em>THAT</em> would be something to be thankful for. . .</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-56969877522460056212007-09-06T21:06:00.000-05:002007-11-16T16:36:30.230-06:00Quickie Post<span style="font-size:85%;">I am over my 'bitterness' for the time being. I am not, however, over the stomach flu that has taken over my life the past 48 hours. Icky. Very icky.<br /><br />I haven't been this sick in years! Ugh!</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-67590510378280057832007-08-27T20:38:00.000-05:002007-11-16T16:37:31.189-06:00Currently Pregnant Count<span style="font-size:85%;">1. Friend--pg first month of trying<br />2. Friend--pg first month of trying (and by 'trying' I mean had sex twice)<br />3. Younger sister (oops--wasn't expecting to be pregnant again just yet)<br /><br />More to come, I'm sure.<br /><br />NotBitterYet is getting more and more bitter by the second. . .</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-15653399503956105392007-08-27T19:55:00.000-05:002007-11-16T16:38:33.797-06:00Spinning My Wheels<span style="font-size:85%;">I would really like to get this show on the road. I was on b/c pills during the second half of July because we knew we wanted to start our injectible/IUI cycle around the end of August and I just will NOT get a period without some sort of chemical assistance. I finished the last 'active' pill on Friday (8/17) and was supposed to call my RE's office with cycle day one. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Well. . . after waiting until Tuesday of the following week w/ no sign of any bleeding, I called my RE's office to see what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to come in for a saline ultrasound the following day. Wednesday morning I arrived for that and some bloodwork (thyroid and prolactin levels which were both fine). With the 'prep work' done and her ready to start the procedure, she starts the ultrasound, takes one look and stops everything. Apparently my lining was hugely thick. Measured 25 (millimeters?). She said she wouldn't be able to see anything w/ that much lining and put me on 10mg of provera each day for 10 days. In her words, a couple days after finishing the medicine I was going to have the "mother of all periods". I filled the rx and immediately took my first dose of provera (not the first time I've been on the stuff--but it's been a while). Thursday arrived and I had a small amount of bleeding. Friday came and I was <em>definitely</em> having a period. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I called the RE's office to ask what they wanted me to do. The nurse I spoke to told me to continue the provera and that they 'want me to bleed' and that was fine. She said I would probably bleed for a while until I had a couple more days of that medicine in my system. Fine with me. Today (Monday) I am STILL bleeding quite heavily. I called the RE's office again. Not because I was concerned about the bleeding. I understand the need to get rid of that thick lining. But they had told me to call them with my period that I got a few days after the provera was stopped (remember the 'mother of all periods'?). If I was going to just keep bleeding right on through the provera doses then at what point, exactly, was I supposed to call w/ my period??? I spoke to RE's assistant. We'll call her Dr. Patronizing. Upon picking up my call she immediately wanted to 'reassure' me that the bleeding was fine. This was something I already knew. I explained my question to her about when exactly I was supposed to call them w/ "cycle day one". She said (in a tone that made me have violent thoughts of reaching thru the phone line), "Well, if you're bleeding then you can stop the provera. And you were to call us with your first day of heavy bleeding. So when would have that been?" I said (trying desperately to maintain my composure), "On Friday--when I <strong><em>DID</em></strong> call you." Her response was, "Oh. Well. Let me call Dr. M and see what she'd like to do." Bitch. She called back a couple hours later. Guess what the 'plan' is? I am going to start a pack of b/c pills. And I'm supposed to call them with my NEXT period. Sound familiar? Another month of my life. . . down the effing drain.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I'm so sick of waiting. <em>Waiting</em> for my husband to get on a day shift. <em>Waiting</em> to look for a house that we <strong>really</strong> want to live in while we are <em>waiting</em> for our other DAMN house to sell. <em>Waiting</em> to put the house we are currently living in back on the market because we can't afford for this house to sell before the other house (our mortgage payment for this house is less than we would have to pay to rent a place--and we certainly can't afford MORE money each month right now). And now <em>waiting</em> ANOTHER month to start my inj/iui cycle.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">This is one of those days when I can't listen to someone tell me to count my blessings. My response would be a knee-jerk</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;">EFF OFF!!!</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992289961060388637.post-63985815539040071462007-08-24T17:57:00.000-05:002007-08-27T20:33:26.455-05:00A million posts in my head. . . .<span style="font-size:85%;">. . . but none of them seem quite right just now. So I will say this: A LONG time ago I used to keep journals. I loved writing. I think I still do. And these days there's so much to write about! I am lucky enough to have a wonderful husband and two beautiful boys. That alone could fill a book. The title (possibly still a work in progress) of my blog comes from something that my Dad often says to me, "Count your blessings." Many times when he says it, it pisses me off. Because it's easy for him to say. And sometimes not so easy for me to do. Deep down I know he's probably right. But when you're in the thick of infertility treatment hell, miscarriage hell or paying-two-mortgages-for-a-year-with-no-end-in-sight hell it's hard to see those 'blessings'.<br /><br />I am a 33 year old SAHM. I have PCOS. I got pregnant quickly with my first son. We were very surprised it was so easy b/c I've had very messed up cycles since I was 12. I bled a lot during that pregnancy but ended up with a healthy baby boy. The next 4 years would be filled with miscarriages, injections, bedrest and finally, another wonderfully healthy baby boy. Since then we've moved twice and we're right back (literally) where we started. Same house. Except now we own another house as well. It has been for sale since March. If anyone is here to tell me the housing market doesn't suck right now you will not leave with all of your appendages. More on that later.<br /><br />That's a quick synopsis of my current state right now. Oh. And we've decided to try for one more baby. Because we're greedy. Because I always pictured myself (especially since meeting my husband) with a lot of kids. Because my husband's brother died 6 years ago and I often think how good it is that he still has his sister. What if there was only one other person who shared his childhood memories of growing up in that family and they were suddenly gone? How lonely that would feel? So 3 is our magic number.<br /><br />Greedy. . . yes. Scared. . . hell yes.<br /><br />Stay tuned.</span>NotBitterYethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00560115109102982714noreply@blogger.com0