Bust. . . no. . . not mine

Well, this cycle was just that--a bust. I actually started spotting on Monday (was to test on Friday). I called the RE's office and was instructed to increase my prometrium, which I did. My body was determined, though, and by Wednesday is was VERY obvious there would be no reason to wake up any earlier than I wanted to the day after Thanksgiving to test. Oh well. I'm disappointed but that's really all I can say about it. We're taking a couple months off (I would have to take a month's worth of bc pills to shrink the cysts on my ovaries, anyway--always do). I don't want to be doing shots and heading to the RE's office (an hour's drive away) during the Christmas season. Just want to sit back and enjoy my kids enjoying the holidays. Not to mention we need to save a bit to buy the million (okay, 70) vials of medicine my stubborn ovaries require per cycle. Ugh.

On the house front. . . we have been in constant contact with our lender about the house. In case I haven't mentioned before, it's been for sale since March, empty since April and without offers of any sort--even low ones--until just recently. We had proposed a deed in lieu of foreclosure simply because we need to stop the hemorrhaging of money that's been going on in our lives for the past year while we paid two mortgages and, with no hint of any offers, we felt that was our only option. The deed in lieu was 'approved' and we agreed to lower the price of the house to about 30,000.00 less than we owe on it to try to get a short sale (it had already been listed at 20,000.00 and 25,000.00 less than we owe with no offers). If 90 days went by and we had no offers, we would proceed with the deed in lieu. With a little less than 60 days left, we received an offer for 34,000.00 less than we owe. The process is, I guess, that we submit the written offer, along with a prequalification letter from the prospective buyer's lender, to our lender. . . and wait. Apparently our lender has gained quite a reputation of taking their sweet-ass time deciding whether or not to approve short-sale offers. Sometimes taking as long as 4 months or more. Anyway, by the time realtor fees are paid, we will be about 45,000.00 short. If approved, the bank 'forgives' this portion of our loan and we receive a 1099 tax form at the end of the year. Yes, folks, that's right. The fact that the housing market PLUMMETED in that area and our house lost almost 25% of it's value isn't enough of a kick in the pants. Somehow the IRS figures that we owe income tax on the phantom income we received from the forgiveness of the debt or, rather, the decrease in the value of housing in our neighborhood--and everywhere else. Let's see. . . 28% of 45,000.00 equals about 12,600.00. That's money that is absolutely not in our savings account. It never was but after a year of paying two mortgages it most CERTAINLY is not there.

If you, too, think this is a crock of shit there is a bill in the senate (H.R. 3648--Google it) called the Mortgage Debt Relief Act (or something like that) that you can write your senator about. I realize this is late notice and the chances of our elected officials accomplishing something at this late stage of the game are slim to none, but. . . this would sure help us. This bill would make Mortgage Debt forgiveness (like we are facing) non taxable. Would be a big load off my mind but I'm, unfortunately, not very hopeful.

I had the opportunity to see Barack Obama speak the other night and as he was shaking hands after the appearance when he got to me I said, "I need to ask you a favor." He looked surprised and a little wary but asked what I needed. I said, "I'd like you to light a fire under some of your friends in the senate. There is a bill (and I told him the name and number of the bill) just sitting in the finance committee in the senate. It passed overwhelmingly with bipartisan support in the House, the president claims he will sign it if it reaches his desk but for almost 2 months it has gone nowhere in the Senate." I let him know that we were facing the short sale of our house in Moline, IL (Illinois is his home state, you know!) and were looking at owing income tax on 45,000.00 if the sale is approved. He put his hand on my shoulder and asked, "What happened??" I briefly explained our situation and then smiled and said, "I would REALLY like it if that were to pass this year!" One of his entourage took down my information and wrote the bill number and name down for follow-up. I don't really think anything will happen but I felt better having told my story to a member of the senate. Heck, I'd probably even caucus for the guy if that bill magically got 'un-stalled'. I'm a young mother in a key state--the very first state to caucus, if you must know--so maybe that will mean something.

Barack, are you listening? Were you? I sure hope so.

One week in. . .

. . . to the 2ww. I haven't posted in a while so here's an update:

I stimmed for, I don't know, what seemed like a long time. Possibly 2 entire weeks? Anyway, my crusty ovaries took a while to get into gear. For the last week I was taking 375 IU of Repronex each night. IM. That was pleasant. As is always the case with me, I had a bunch of follicles. The more dominant ones measured 23, 19, 18 and 16 at my last ultrasound. There were some on the left and some on the right. My left ovary is kind of tucked away so I don't know how much of a chance the 'lefties' have. C's count was good at 178 million for the IUI exactly one week ago today. My estradiol was 1203 or something like that at the last check (2 days before the IUI).

So now we wait. Truthfully, I haven't found this wait to be as agonizing as I found the 2ww when we were trying last time. I think that's partly because I am busier with my 2 boys than I was with 'just' one. I think also I probably have my defenses up. I don't want to get too hopeful, you know? But mostly--and this is just our little secret--I'm not very convinced this whole thing worked this time. I just don't feel it. I suppose I have what could be considered symptoms. . . I might list them later if I post again during the 'wait'. . . but for some reason my brain just doesn't want to make the leap to thinking this could be it.

I was excited to get started, for sure. And, of course I want a baby. I'm also starting to feel like I want to be done with the whole fertility scene. I don't have very much patience for it this time. It's much more of an inconvenience than it was before--at least it feels that way. And the shots hurt more. I didn't remember them hurting before. I am anxious for all of this not to be a factor in any of our decisions. Even after we had our son, D, I knew that we were eventually going to try one more time. We moved away for a time (didn't know then it wouldn't be for long) and one of the hardest things for me was leaving the doctors I had become so comfortable with. My husband got a new job. . . infertility insurance coverage was a concern. Money is always a factor with this kind of treatment--have to make those plans. . . I could go on but you get the picture. It affects everything.

On a lighter note, it might snow here on Thanksgiving. And possible sleet the night before. I think I might enjoy that. Then we could go eat at the family gathering that's here in town and forget the rest. Really get to enjoy the day with those that can come there and then head home to snuggle down with my boys.

Now THAT would be something to be thankful for. . .