Friday, August 24, 2007

A million posts in my head. . . .

. . . but none of them seem quite right just now. So I will say this: A LONG time ago I used to keep journals. I loved writing. I think I still do. And these days there's so much to write about! I am lucky enough to have a wonderful husband and two beautiful boys. That alone could fill a book. The title (possibly still a work in progress) of my blog comes from something that my Dad often says to me, "Count your blessings." Many times when he says it, it pisses me off. Because it's easy for him to say. And sometimes not so easy for me to do. Deep down I know he's probably right. But when you're in the thick of infertility treatment hell, miscarriage hell or paying-two-mortgages-for-a-year-with-no-end-in-sight hell it's hard to see those 'blessings'.

I am a 33 year old SAHM. I have PCOS. I got pregnant quickly with my first son. We were very surprised it was so easy b/c I've had very messed up cycles since I was 12. I bled a lot during that pregnancy but ended up with a healthy baby boy. The next 4 years would be filled with miscarriages, injections, bedrest and finally, another wonderfully healthy baby boy. Since then we've moved twice and we're right back (literally) where we started. Same house. Except now we own another house as well. It has been for sale since March. If anyone is here to tell me the housing market doesn't suck right now you will not leave with all of your appendages. More on that later.

That's a quick synopsis of my current state right now. Oh. And we've decided to try for one more baby. Because we're greedy. Because I always pictured myself (especially since meeting my husband) with a lot of kids. Because my husband's brother died 6 years ago and I often think how good it is that he still has his sister. What if there was only one other person who shared his childhood memories of growing up in that family and they were suddenly gone? How lonely that would feel? So 3 is our magic number.

Greedy. . . yes. Scared. . . hell yes.

Stay tuned.

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