Monday, August 27, 2007

Currently Pregnant Count

1. Friend--pg first month of trying
2. Friend--pg first month of trying (and by 'trying' I mean had sex twice)
3. Younger sister (oops--wasn't expecting to be pregnant again just yet)

More to come, I'm sure.

NotBitterYet is getting more and more bitter by the second. . .

Spinning My Wheels

I would really like to get this show on the road. I was on b/c pills during the second half of July because we knew we wanted to start our injectible/IUI cycle around the end of August and I just will NOT get a period without some sort of chemical assistance. I finished the last 'active' pill on Friday (8/17) and was supposed to call my RE's office with cycle day one.

Well. . . after waiting until Tuesday of the following week w/ no sign of any bleeding, I called my RE's office to see what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to come in for a saline ultrasound the following day. Wednesday morning I arrived for that and some bloodwork (thyroid and prolactin levels which were both fine). With the 'prep work' done and her ready to start the procedure, she starts the ultrasound, takes one look and stops everything. Apparently my lining was hugely thick. Measured 25 (millimeters?). She said she wouldn't be able to see anything w/ that much lining and put me on 10mg of provera each day for 10 days. In her words, a couple days after finishing the medicine I was going to have the "mother of all periods". I filled the rx and immediately took my first dose of provera (not the first time I've been on the stuff--but it's been a while). Thursday arrived and I had a small amount of bleeding. Friday came and I was definitely having a period.

I called the RE's office to ask what they wanted me to do. The nurse I spoke to told me to continue the provera and that they 'want me to bleed' and that was fine. She said I would probably bleed for a while until I had a couple more days of that medicine in my system. Fine with me. Today (Monday) I am STILL bleeding quite heavily. I called the RE's office again. Not because I was concerned about the bleeding. I understand the need to get rid of that thick lining. But they had told me to call them with my period that I got a few days after the provera was stopped (remember the 'mother of all periods'?). If I was going to just keep bleeding right on through the provera doses then at what point, exactly, was I supposed to call w/ my period??? I spoke to RE's assistant. We'll call her Dr. Patronizing. Upon picking up my call she immediately wanted to 'reassure' me that the bleeding was fine. This was something I already knew. I explained my question to her about when exactly I was supposed to call them w/ "cycle day one". She said (in a tone that made me have violent thoughts of reaching thru the phone line), "Well, if you're bleeding then you can stop the provera. And you were to call us with your first day of heavy bleeding. So when would have that been?" I said (trying desperately to maintain my composure), "On Friday--when I DID call you." Her response was, "Oh. Well. Let me call Dr. M and see what she'd like to do." Bitch. She called back a couple hours later. Guess what the 'plan' is? I am going to start a pack of b/c pills. And I'm supposed to call them with my NEXT period. Sound familiar? Another month of my life. . . down the effing drain.

I'm so sick of waiting. Waiting for my husband to get on a day shift. Waiting to look for a house that we really want to live in while we are waiting for our other DAMN house to sell. Waiting to put the house we are currently living in back on the market because we can't afford for this house to sell before the other house (our mortgage payment for this house is less than we would have to pay to rent a place--and we certainly can't afford MORE money each month right now). And now waiting ANOTHER month to start my inj/iui cycle.

This is one of those days when I can't listen to someone tell me to count my blessings. My response would be a knee-jerk


Friday, August 24, 2007

A million posts in my head. . . .

. . . but none of them seem quite right just now. So I will say this: A LONG time ago I used to keep journals. I loved writing. I think I still do. And these days there's so much to write about! I am lucky enough to have a wonderful husband and two beautiful boys. That alone could fill a book. The title (possibly still a work in progress) of my blog comes from something that my Dad often says to me, "Count your blessings." Many times when he says it, it pisses me off. Because it's easy for him to say. And sometimes not so easy for me to do. Deep down I know he's probably right. But when you're in the thick of infertility treatment hell, miscarriage hell or paying-two-mortgages-for-a-year-with-no-end-in-sight hell it's hard to see those 'blessings'.

I am a 33 year old SAHM. I have PCOS. I got pregnant quickly with my first son. We were very surprised it was so easy b/c I've had very messed up cycles since I was 12. I bled a lot during that pregnancy but ended up with a healthy baby boy. The next 4 years would be filled with miscarriages, injections, bedrest and finally, another wonderfully healthy baby boy. Since then we've moved twice and we're right back (literally) where we started. Same house. Except now we own another house as well. It has been for sale since March. If anyone is here to tell me the housing market doesn't suck right now you will not leave with all of your appendages. More on that later.

That's a quick synopsis of my current state right now. Oh. And we've decided to try for one more baby. Because we're greedy. Because I always pictured myself (especially since meeting my husband) with a lot of kids. Because my husband's brother died 6 years ago and I often think how good it is that he still has his sister. What if there was only one other person who shared his childhood memories of growing up in that family and they were suddenly gone? How lonely that would feel? So 3 is our magic number.

Greedy. . . yes. Scared. . . hell yes.

Stay tuned.